Even Subway isn’t safe, with rumors of Trump planning to “build a footlong sandwich that Mexico will pay for” circulating rapidly.

Not everyone is pleased by the Trump-McDonald’s partnership, least of all Vice President Kamala Harris. As the story goes, Harris famously worked at a McDonald’s during her college years and has even referenced her time there during campaign stops. Naturally, the Trump team has been quick to challenge this narrative.

“Kamala said she worked here? Sure, she did. Fake news, folks,” Trump reportedly quipped during his McDonald’s shift, as the stock price ticked upward once more. “I’ve been here for five minutes, and I already know the fry machine better than her. They call me the fry guy now.”

In response, Harris released a brief statement, saying, “While I did work at McDonald’s, my role was about more than flipping burgers—it was about learning the values of hard work and service. But if he wants to compete on who makes better fries, I’m ready for a fry-off.”

A fry-off challenge might just be what the nation needs to heal its divisions—a bipartisan showdown on the grill of democracy.

While many celebrated McDonald’s soaring success, critics quickly labeled the event as little more than a distraction. Some pointed out that McDonald’s stocks may have risen, but the country’s biggest issues—like healthcare and income inequality—remain unresolved. “Sure, McDonald’s is booming, but what about the rest of America?” tweeted one critic.

Undeterred, Trump fired back, “McDonald’s is America. If McDonald’s wins, America wins. And right now, we’re winning big. We’re going to win so much, you’ll get tired of winning—unless you’re hungry, then have a burger.”

Speculation is now swirling about what’s next for McDonald’s. Will Trump make fast food a central pillar of his re-election campaign? Will McDonald’s take over other industries? Could we see Trump-inspired Happy Meals with collectible Trump figurines in every box?

One thing’s for sure: McDonald’s isn’t just lovin’ it—they’re thriving. In a press release, McDonald’s acknowledged the incredible boost Trump has provided, hinting at future collaborations. “This is only the beginning of what’s to come,” the statement read. “McDonald’s and Trump: The perfect combo meal.”

In a world where politics and fast food collide, anything seems possible. And as McDonald’s continues to fry up success, only one question remains: Will anyone ever be able to compete with Trump’s magical fry-cooking powers?

As the man himself would say, “Nobody does fast food better than me, believe me.”

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not true.